In this interview, we speak Chris Voss #1 FBI hostage negotiator in the world. He is the best selling author of the book "Never Split The Difference" and Founder of the BlackSwan Group. Chris Voss Twitter: https://twitter.com/VossNegotiation Website: https://blackswanltd.com Blogspot sign up TEXT: 22828 “fbiempathy” Ephraim Yarmak LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ephraimya... Twitter: https://twitter.com/ephraimyarmak
0:00 - 2:00 Welcoming notes
2:01 - 5:12 How does someone become the best hostage negotiator in the world / Volunteered on a suicide hotline / How he began his journey into hostage negotiation / Following through on the advice
5:13 - 7:12 How anyone can learn to become a better negotiator in their daily life / It’s all about building your EQ / Negotiation serves two purposes: 1. information gathering 2. behavioral influencing
7:13 - 8:50 His first hostage negotiator call Sep 30th, 1993 bank robbery
8:51 - 13:20 Tools: Late night DJ FM voice, use it to establish authority & comfort / Mirroring, Repeating the last 3 words that the person said ( Thoughts connector ) / Tactical empathy, Use a label to call out a negative to diminish and establish a trust
13:21 - 15:20 How the FBI created these tools / It was based on the science of results
15:21 - 17:03 How did you stay cool when you had someone's life in your hands / You need to learn the process / Your best chance of success is hearing the other side out
17:04 - 20:05 Begging a negotiation with NO oriented question / Why going for a NO is the answer you want / No makes people feel protected
20:06 - 21:57 Bending someone reality / Prospect Theory / Distorting reality
21:58 - 24:09 In the heat of the negotiation how do we stay present and calm / The negative emotions are what hurts us / By labeling the negatives we can calm ourselves
24:10 - 26:46 Gratitude is a path to success / Life Hacks / Habits and Patterns
26:47 - 28:49 One non-obvious habit that changed his life / 3 new things your grateful each day /
28:50 - 31:31 You want the best deal from both sides / Learning the underlying conversation
31:32 - 35:22 The best answer you can get from someone in a negotiation is to say “ That's Right” / Try to move away from “You’re Right”
35:23 - 39:05 3 Different types of Yes’s 1. Confirmation. 2. Commitment. 3. Counterfeit. / Ask 3 calibrated questions to get the Yes
39:06 - 42:00 How to constantly improve your skills / Practice
42:01 - 45:56 How he got Jack Welch to give a lecture at his class / Always go that NO oriented question
45:57 - 48:29 Why you should not be using the word “WHY” / Why makes someone feel defensive
48:30 - 51:07 The criminal he learned the most from / The person who makes himself less important is most times the most important / Not using pronouns
51:08 - 52:25 How to spot a liar / The Pinocchio effect
52:26 - 54:45 Project 120
54:57 - 56:13 What he is currently reading: Joe Dezpenza: Becoming supernatural, You're the placebo
56:14 - 57:36 Books he recommends to read: 1. The rise of superhuman, 2. The talent code. 3. Barking up the wrong tree
57:37 - 1:00.8 Tuesday morning Blogspot sign up TEXT: 22828 “fbiempathy”
1:00.9 - 1:01.20 What message would he tell his younger self
1:01.23 - 1:02.10 Message for everyone to implement
1:.02:11 - 1:03.12 Closing notes